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Latest News and Views |
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More Details, Please |
Shopping
for a digital camera? DP Review is one of the best sites for
detailed camera reviews. |
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Image Is Everything |
Here's
another excellent site for digital camera reviews. It's Imaging
Resource. |
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A Mighty Resource |
The
Digital Camera Resource Page is another first-rate site for
reviews of digital cameras. |
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7 Months with a Canon G1 |
What
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Prepare to be amazed. |
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Digital
Photos
Streaming
Music
I also dabble in composing music with keyboard-based synthesizers.
These
nine tracks are from my CD, Mountains and Water (©1999 David
English; all rights reserved). Because of the varying rhythms, the tracks are especially well suited for Tai Chi music. If you have Flash Player version 9 or higher installed, you can click on a black triangle to play a track.
Murphy's
Law & Other
Life-Experienced Observations
Care to ponder the universe?
This is a selection of laws, guidelines, and other life-experienced
observations. Imagine them in cardboard frames surrounding a cash
register.
Agnes Allen´s Law: Almost anything is
easier to get into than out of.
Army Laws: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn´t
move, pick it up. If you can´t pick it up, paint it.
Barth´s Distinction: There are two types
of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who
don't.
Bartz´s Law of Hokey Horsepuckery: The
more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of
its success.
Baruch´s Rule for Determining Old Age:
Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
Basic Law of Construction: Cut it large and kick
it into place.
Becker´s Law: It is much harder to find
a job than to keep one.
Benchley´s Law: Anyone can do any amount
of work, provided it isn´t the work he is supposed to be
doing at that moment.
Berra´s Law: You can observe a lot just
by watching.
Bicycle Law: All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: A
30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain. A 40-pound bicycle
needs a 10-pound lock and chain. A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock
or chain.
Boling´s Postulate: If you´re feeling
good, don´t worry. You´ll get over it.
Bombeck´s Rule of Medicine: Never go to
a doctor whose office plants have died.
Boren´s Laws of the Bureaucracy: 1. When
in doubt, mumble. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in charge,
ponder.
Borstelmann´s Rule: If everything seems
to be coming your way, you´re probably in the wrong lane.
Bralek´s Rule for Success: Trust only those
who stand to lose as much as you do when things go wrong.
Brien´s First Law: At some time in the
life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed
in spite of itself runs out.
Cannon´s Comment: If you tell the boss
you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning
you will have a flat tire.
Captain Penny´s Law: You can fool all of
the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the
time, but you can´t fool MOM.
Cardinal Conundrum: An optimist believes we live
in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is
true.
Character and Appearance Law: People don´t
change; they only become more so.
Clarke´s Law of Revolutionary Ideas: Every
revolutionary idea -- in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever --
evokes three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the
three phrases: 1. “It is completely impossible -- don´t
waste my time.” 2. “It is possible, but it is not
worth doing.” 3. “I said it was a good idea all along.”
Clarke´s Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced
technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Cleveland's Highway Law: Highways in the worst
need of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results
in low priority for repair work.
Clyde´s Law: If you have something to do,
and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will
do it for you.
Cohen's Law of Wisdom: Wisdom is considered a
sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise man can lead without
power but only a powerful man can lead without wisdom.
Cole´s Axiom: The sum of the intelligence
on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Cole´s Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Colvard´s Logical Premise: All probabilities
are 50%. Either a thing will happen, or it won´t.
Commoner´s Three Laws of Ecology: 1. No
action is without side-effects. 2. Nothing ever goes away. 3.
There is no free lunch.
Cooper's Law:
All machines are amplifiers.
Dieter´s Law: The food that tastes the
best has the highest number of calories.
Displaced Hassle Principle: To beat the bureaucracy,
make your problem their problem.
Ducharm´s Axiom: If you view your problem
closely enough, you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.
Dykstra´s Law: Everybody is somebody else´s
weirdo.
Edelstein´s Advice: Don´t worry over
what other people are thinking about you. They´re too busy
worrying over what you are thinking about them.
Ehrlich´s Rule: The first rule of intelligent
tinkering is to save all the parts.
Ettorre´s Observation: The other line moves
faster. Corollary: Don´t try to change
lines. The other line -- the one you were in originally -- will
then move faster.
Farber's Third Law: We're all going down the
same road in different directions
Finagle´s Laws of Information: 1. The information
you have is not what you want. 2. The information you want is
not what you need. 3. The information you need is not what you
can obtain. 4. The information you can obtain costs more than
you want to pay.
Finnigan´s Law: The farther away the future
is, the better it looks.
First Law of Expert Advice: Don´t ask the
barber whether you need a haircut.
First Law of Laboratory Work: Hot glass looks
exactly the same as cold glass.
First Rule of Superior Inferiority: Don´t
let your superiors know you´re better than they are.
Frisch´s Law: You cannot have a baby in
one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Fudd´s First Law of Opposition: If you
push something hard enough, it will fall over. Tesler´s
Deviant to Fudd´s Law: It goes in -- it must come
out.
Gerrold´s Law: A little ignorance can go
a long way.
Gerrold´s Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1.
An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
2. An object at rest will always be in the wrong place. 3. The
energy required to change either one of the states will always
be more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make
the task totally impossible.
Gibb´s Law: Infinity is one lawyer waiting
for another.
Ginsberg´s Theorem (Generalized Laws of Thermodynamics):
1. You can´t win. 2. You can´t break even. 3. You
can´t even quit the game. Ehrman´s Commentary
on Ginsberg´s Theorem: 1. Things will get worse
before they get better. 2. Who said things would get better? Freeman´s
Commentary on Ginsberg´s Theorem: Every major philosophy
that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation
of one part of Ginsberg´s Theorem. To wit: 1. Capitalism
is based on the assumption that you can win. 2. Socialism is based
on the assumption that you can break even. 3. Mysticism is based
on the assumption that you can quit the game.
Glaser´s Law: If it says “one size
fits all,” it doesn´t fit anyone.
Glyme´s Formula for Success: The secret
of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you´ve got
it made.
Green´s Law of Debate: Anything is possible
if you don´t know what you are talking about.
Haldane´s Law: The Universe is not only
stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we CAN imagine.
Harris´ Lament: All the good ones are taken.
Hart´s Law: In a country as big as the
United States, you can find fifty examples of anything.
Hellrung´s Law: If you wait, it will go
away. Shevelson´s Extension: ... having
done its damage. Grelb´s Addition: ...
if it was bad, it will be back.
Herblock's Law: If it´s good, they´ll
stop making it.
Hlade´s Law: If you have a difficult task,
give it to a lazy man -- he will find an easier way to do it.
Hoare's Law of Large Programs: Inside every large
program is a small program struggling to get out.
Hoffer´s Law: When people are free to do
as they please, they usually imitate each other.
Horngren´s Observation: The real world
is a special case.
Howe´s Law: Every man has a scheme that
will not work.
Imbesi´s Law of the Conservation of Filth:
In order for something to become clean, something else must become
dirty. Freeman´s Extension: ...but you
can get everything dirty without anything becoming clean.
Jaffe´s Precept: There are some things
that are impossible to know -- but it is impossible to know these
things.
Jake´s Law: Anything hit with a big enough
hammer will fall apart.
John´s Collateral Corollary: In order to
get a loan, you must first prove you don´t need it.
Kafka´s Law: In the fight between you and
the world, back the world.
Kaplan´s Law of the Instrument: Give a
small boy a hammer, and he will find that everything he encounters
needs pounding.
Kierkegaard´s Observation: Life can only
be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.
Kitman´s Law: On the TV screen, pure drivel
tends to drive off ordinary drivel.
Korman´s Conclusion: The trouble with resisting
temptation is it may never come your way again.
Langsam´s Law: 1. Everything depends. 2.
Nothing is always. 3. Everything is sometimes.
Last Law of Robotics: The only real errors are
human errors.
Law of Arbitrary Distinction: Anything may be
divided into as many parts as you please. Corollary:
Everything may be divided into as many parts as you please. Commentary
on the Corollary: In this case, “everything”
may be viewed as a subset of “anything.”
Lawyer´s Rule: When the law is against
you, argue the facts. When the facts are against you, argue the
law. When both are against you, call the other lawyer names.
Leahy´s Law: If a thing is done wrong often
enough, it becomes right.
Lowrey´s Law: If it jams, force it. If
it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Lyall´s Conjecture: If a computer cable
has one end, then it has another.
McGovern´s Law: The longer the title, the
less important the job.
McGowan´s Madison Avenue Axiom: If an item
is advertised as “under $50,” you can bet it´s
not $19.95.
Merkin´s Maxim: When in doubt, predict
that the present trend will continue.
Mickelson´s Law of Falling Objects: Any
object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger object.
Miller´s Law: You can´t tell how
deep a puddle is until you step into it.
Morley´s Conclusion: No man is lonely while
eating spaghetti.
Mr. Cooper´s Law: If you do not understand
a particular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it.
The piece will make perfect sense without it.
Murphy´s Law: If anything can go wrong,
it will. Extended Murphy´s Law: If a series
of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.
Farnsdick´s Corollary to the Fifth Corollary:
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat
itself. O´Toole´s Commentary on Murphy´s
Law: Murphy was an optimist.
Nyquist´s Theory of Equilibrium: Equality
is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor;
equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male
schlemiel.
Osborn´s Law: Variables won´t; constants
aren´t.
Panic Instruction: When you don´t know
what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Pareto´s Law (The 20/80 Law): 20% of the
customers account for 80% of the turnover, 20% of the components
account for 80% of the cost, and so forth.
Paul´s Law: You can´t fall off the
floor. Chapman´s Commentary on Paul´s Law:
It takes children three years to learn Paul´s Law.
Peter´s Law of Evolution: Competence always
contains the seed of incompetence.
Peter´s Law of Substitution: Look after
the molehills, and the mountains will look after themselves.
Peter´s Observation: Super-competence is
more objectionable than incompetence.
Peter´s Theorem: Incompetence plus incompetence
equals incompetence.
Phases of a Project: 1. Exultation. 2. Disenchantment.
3. Confusion. 4. Search for the Guilty. 5. Punishment of the Innocent.
6. Distinction for the Uninvolved.
Pierson´s Law: If you´re coasting,
you´re going downhill.
Pinto´s Law: Do someone a favor, and it
becomes your job.
Pollyanna Paradox: Every day, in every way, things
get better and better; then worse again in the evening.
Pournelle´s Law of Costs and Schedules:
Everything costs more and takes longer.
Probable Dispersal Law: Whatever hits the fan
will not be evenly distributed. (also known as the How Come It
All Landed On Me Law)
Pudder´s Law: Anything that begins well
ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse.
Putt´s Law: Technology is dominated by
two types of people -- those who understand what they do not manage,
and those who manage what they do not understand.
Ralph´s Observation: It is a mistake to
allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
Randolph´s Cardinal Principle of Statecraft:
Never needlessly disturb a thing at rest.
Rap´s Law of Inanimate Reproduction: If
you take something apart and put it back together enough times,
eventually you will have two of them.
Rather´s Rule: In dealing with the press,
do yourself a favor. Stick with one of three responses: (a) I
know, and I can tell you, (b) I know, and I can´t tell you,
or (c) I don´t know.
Revelation Law: The hidden flaw never remains
hidden.
Roger´s Law: As soon as the flight attendant
serves the coffee, the airliner encounters turbulence. Davis´
Explanation of Roger´s Law: Serving coffee on aircraft
causes turbulence.
Runamok´s Law: There are four kinds of
people: those who sit quietly and do nothing, those who talk about
sitting quietly and doing nothing, those who do things, and those
who talk about doing things.
Sattinger´s Law: It works better if you
plug it in.
Schmidt´s Law: If you mess with something
long enough, it´ll break.
Schopenhauer´s Law of Entropy: If you put
a spoonful of wine in a barrel full of sewage, you get sewage.
If you put a spoonful of sewage in a barrel full of wine, you
get sewage.
Schroeder´s Law: Indecision is the basis
for flexibility.
Segal´s Law: A man with one watch knows
what time it is; a man with two watches is never sure.
Serendipity Laws: 1. In order to discover anything
you must be looking for something. 2. If you wish to make an improved
product, you must already be engaged in making an inferior one.
Sevareid´s Law: The chief cause of problems
is solutions.
Shaw´s Principle: Build a system that even
a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Shirley´s Law: Most people deserve each
other.
Snider´s Law: Nothing can be done in one
trip.
Sprinkle´s Law: Things always fall at right
angles.
Stewart´s Law of Retroaction: It is easier
to get forgiveness than permission.
Sturgeon´s Law: Ninety percent of EVERYTHING
is crud.
Taxi Principle: Find out the cost before you
get in.
Thoreau´s Law: If you see a man approaching
with the obvious intent of doing you good, run for your life.
Thoreau´s Rule: Any fool can make a rule,
and every fool will mind it.
Tipper´s Law: Those who expect the biggest
tips provide the worst service.
Twain´s Rule: Only kings, editors, and
people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial “we.”
Tussman´s Law: Nothing is as inevitable
as a mistake whose time has come.
Ultimate Law: All general statements are false.
Unapplicable Law: Washing your car to make it
rain doesn´t work.
Unnamed Law: If it happens, it must be possible.
Unspeakable Law: As soon as you mention something,
if it´s good, it goes away; if it´s bad, it happens.
Van Pelt´s Observation: There must be one
day above all others in each life that is the happiest. Corollary:
What if you´ve already had it?
Van Roy´s Law: An unbreakable toy is useful
for breaking other toys.
Waldo´s Observation: One man´s red
tape is another man´s system.
Walinsky´s First Law of Political Campaigns:
If there are twelve clowns in a ring, you can jump in the middle
and start reciting Shakespeare, but to the audience, you´ll
just be the thirteenth clown.
Wallace Wood´s Rules of Drawing: 1. Never
draw what you can copy. 2. Never copy what you can trace. 3. Never
trace what you can cut out and paste.
Weber´s Definition: An expert is one who
knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely
everything about nothing.
Weiler´s Law: Nothing is impossible for
the man who doesn´t have to do it himself.
White´s Statement: Don´t lose heart
. . . Owen´s Comment on White´s Statement:
. . . they might want to cut it out . . . Byrd´s
Addition to Owen´s Comment on White´s Statement:
. . . and they want to avoid a lengthy search.
Wing-Walking Law: Never leave hold of what you've
got until you've got hold of something else.
Woodward´s Law: A theory is better than
an explanation.
Wyszkowski's Second Law: Anything can be made
to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Young´s Handy Guide to the Modern Sciences:
If it is green or it wiggles -- it is Biology. If it stinks --
it is Chemistry. If it doesn´t work -- it is Physics. Cerf´s
Extensions to Young´s Handy Guide to Modern Science:
If it´s incomprehensible, it´s mathematics. If it
doesn´t make sense, it´s either economics or psychology.
Young´s Law: All great discoveries are
made by mistake. Corollary: The greater the funding,
the longer it takes to make the mistake.
Zimmerman´s Law of Complaints: Nobody notices
when things go right.
Zymurgy´s First Law of Evolving System Dynamics:
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to
use a larger can.
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